Many people want to record their funeral wishes to ease the burden on their family and ensure their preferences are known. While you can include funeral wishes in your will, there are practical considerations about where best to record them and how to ensure they are actually followed.
In this guide
The timing problem
One of the main issues with putting funeral wishes in your will is timing. Wills are often not read until after the funeral has taken place, sometimes weeks later. By that point, funeral arrangements have already been made.
This means that even if your will contains detailed funeral wishes, your family may not see them in time to act on them.
Are funeral wishes legally binding?
No. Funeral wishes, whether in a will or elsewhere, are not legally binding in England and Wales. The person who has the right to arrange your funeral - usually your executor or, if there is no will, your next of kin - can choose to do something different.
In practice, most families try to honour the deceased's wishes where they can. However, factors such as cost, practicality, and family disagreements can sometimes mean wishes are not followed exactly.
What wishes can you include?
Common funeral wishes include:
- Burial or cremation: Your basic preference for what happens to your body
- Type of service: Religious, humanist, civil, or celebration of life
- Location: Specific church, crematorium, or natural burial ground
- Music and readings: Specific pieces you would like included
- Flowers or donations: Whether you prefer flowers or donations to charity
- Dress code: Formal, casual, or particular colours
- Wake or reception: Preferences for any gathering afterwards
- Specific requests: Eco-friendly coffin, particular funeral director, or other details
Where to record funeral wishes
Given the timing problem with wills, the best approach is usually:
- Letter of wishes: Write your funeral wishes in a letter of wishes that accompanies your will. This can be more detailed than the will itself.
- Separate copy: Keep a copy of your funeral wishes somewhere your family can easily find it, and tell them where it is.
- Tell your family: Have a conversation with close family members about your preferences. This ensures they know your wishes even if they cannot find the written document.
Many families across Kent, including in Tonbridge and Sevenoaks, find that a combination of written wishes and family conversation works best.
Prepaid funeral plans
Some people choose to prepay for their funeral through a funeral plan. These plans can:
- Fix some funeral costs at today's prices
- Reduce the burden on family members
- Ensure your specific wishes are documented with a funeral director
However, prepaid plans are not right for everyone. Consider:
- What happens if the provider goes out of business?
- What is and is not included in the plan?
- What happens if you move or change your mind?
- Could the money be better used elsewhere?
If you are considering a prepaid plan, research providers carefully and understand exactly what you are buying.
Keeping wishes practical
When recording funeral wishes, be practical:
- Consider what your family can realistically afford
- Check whether specific venues or options are available
- Think about whether your wishes might conflict with family beliefs or preferences
- Keep your wishes reasonably flexible to allow for changing circumstances
Extremely specific or unusual requests may be harder for your family to fulfil.
Organ and tissue donation
If you want to donate organs or tissues, do not rely on your will to communicate this. Register on the NHS Organ Donor Register and tell your family. Decisions about organ donation often need to be made within hours of death, long before a will is read.
Key takeaways
While you can include funeral wishes in your will, they may not be read in time. The best approach is to record wishes in a letter of wishes, keep a copy accessible to family, and have a conversation about your preferences. Remember that funeral wishes are not legally binding, so keeping them practical and discussing them with family increases the chance they will be followed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I include funeral wishes in my will?
Yes, you can include funeral wishes in your will. However, wills are often not read until after the funeral has taken place, so it is advisable to also record your wishes separately and let your family know where to find them.
Are funeral wishes in a will legally binding?
No, funeral wishes are not legally binding, whether in a will or elsewhere. The person who has the right to arrange your funeral (usually your executor or next of kin) is not legally obliged to follow your wishes, though most will try to honour them.
What funeral wishes can I include?
Common wishes include burial or cremation preference, type of service (religious, civil, or humanist), location, music, readings, flowers or charitable donations, dress code, and any specific requests about the ceremony or wake.
Where is the best place to record funeral wishes?
The best approach is to record funeral wishes in a letter of wishes kept with your will and a separate copy given to your family or executor. This ensures they are accessible immediately after death rather than waiting for the will to be read.
Should I prepay for my funeral?
Prepaid funeral plans can give peace of mind and fix some costs at today's prices. However, they are not right for everyone and there are risks to consider. Research providers carefully and consider whether the money could be set aside differently.